Sometimes I sit and think of what to write.  My mind wanders and I realize that, there are times when I write, only to feel the encouragement of my comrades. I write to please the Christian ear. I say things in prayer that seem so empty but receive the most nods and hums of agreement. I proclaim truths that I don’t proclaim in the secret and speak scripture that I have not let seep into the depths of my soul. When I see myself for who I truly am, I see a kiddie pool. I see myself as one who says the right things and pretends to be okay when I am far from it.

One day, this past summer, I found myself deep in prayer. It was in this vulnerable place that I met with the God that looked upon me and said, “Susan I don’t recognize you”. I didn’t really understand. What could that possibly mean? Was it that contrary to scripture, He didn’t know my every thought, my every struggle? By no means! Rather, He did not create the new person I had presented before Him. He had not spent His time in the depths of the earth crafting this facade that I had so arrogantly placed at His feet. I brought Cain’s sacrifice. I always read the story of Cain and Able with casual passivity. That Cain was the bad one, he had cheeped out on God and had gotten jealous of his brother. Able on the other hand, had it all together and gave God his best. Seemed simple enough, until I saw myself as Cain, standing before the Lord with nothing but facade that he glanced right through. 

It is an overwhelming realization, when you realize that God is not pleased with this fake person. However, as one very wise Brennan Manning says in Abba’s Child, “Accepting the reality of our sinfulness means accepting our authentic self. Jesus then liberates us from alienation and self-condemnation and offers each of us a new possibility.” What a promise!  And so while I do realize that this ‘other person’ exists, Prayer is death to every identity that does not come from the creator.  He knows what He made. That person that prays for Amens, the one who gives for others to see, the one who boasts in anything that is not Christ; the almighty God whose hand moulded the universe, knows what He created. Facades are only making the journey to an intimate relationship with Jesus all the more dreary. 

If I was to give a piece of advice (highly unqualified to do so) I would say, let go. Fixate your eyes on the one that called you first.The one that loved you first. Let go of what sounds good and what gets the most attention, and just be you and God. Honest, raw, and  messy. See the thing is, I’m kinda a work in progress.  And that’s why Jesus sent himself. YEAH, haha, get this, I’m struggling in WAY more ways than one. But that is the sole reason why Jesus came to this earth. It was because I couldn’t attain that perfection on my own. His sanctification is needed.

I await the day where I stand face to face with the one who formed me in the depths of the earth, in the secret (Psalms 139:15). To see his face shining brighter than the sun, the train of his robe filling the whole temple. Where his laughter, like a roaring thunder and his voice like rushing waters. For I know the Lord but when I see Him, all will be understood. The waiting will be over and the joy overwhelming. This life has thrown me a few curveballs and although this life is fun and the Spirit’s joy unending I crave the day where my maker and I may be reunited. Who can understand the majesty of the Lord in his place of dwelling or see the capacities of His hand. Oh how I long for the day I may lay my crown at the feet of his thrown and worship the lamb in all freedom. For now, my heart will rest secure for his will not let his righteous one see decay. I will sing to the Lord for He has been good to me. He is my portion forever. I can see the light that is coming for the heart that holds on…

-suzie Q (daughter of a King)

please read, i know its a tad long.

There is hardship. Believe me, the struggle is there.  I have realized that the statement “be in the world and not of it” is far easier said than done. But you see….Paul, the one who said it; was imprisoned, threatened, and beaten, and all of the sake of the truth.  We push against the current because we know that soon He will come, Christ will end all of these troubles. But when He comes, I pray that we might be running hard for the prize that is Christ. That He might not come and find me, yet another complacent christian, apathetic and lacking zeal. I pray that when the end comes, when I stand before him on the final day, he might gaze on me, and his face shine upon me, that he might say….”well done my good and faithful servant”. I pray that for eternity I might gaze upon the beauty that is perfection and know that I ran my race with nothing but the fuel of his sacrifice and the outpouring of his blood for my soul. All glory be to the Father, who when I was still stained in my iniquities gave Himself that I might live pure in His freedom! Practically, I struggle everyday and the Father only knows how much sometimes. I will be real and say that all of my strength is directly from the Lord. It is asked for in prayer and Given by the working of the spirt. Promise: “Romans 10:13,For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.” WOOOOOHOOOOO! lets just be real. God is so much better. and pride sucks the joy out of life. Lets live for him even when its hard because there will be an end to these troubles. I promise. But more importantly, God promises (and his word is law…..literally).xoxox

be blessed

-suzie Q (a daughter of a king)

In this world you will meet many people, you will see many things, but know that nothing you will ever do will compare to what one specific person has done for you. embrace the love that has so graciously been extended, there is really nothing greater than being loved wholly and unconditionally. safest place in the world.

the world is ready for the adventurous, but are the adventurous ready for the world.